69 oral sex made comfortable for both partners

How the 69 position works

Both partners lie head to toe so that each person's mouth is near the other's genitals. It works for every pairing of bodies, including two women, two men and mixed couples. The appeal is shared pleasure and closeness. The challenge is that it is harder to concentrate on giving while you are also receiving, so many couples use it as a playful middle part of sex rather than the whole thing.

As with any oral sex, agree on it first and set a simple stop signal, such as a tap on the thigh. If either of you is new to oral sex, start with first time oral sex and the technique guides before combining both.

Comfortable variations of 69

Side by side

Both partners lie on their sides, head to toe, each resting their head on the other's lower thigh. No one holds their weight up, both necks stay relaxed and it suits partners of different heights. This is the best place to start.

One partner on top

One partner lies on their back with a pillow under the head and the other kneels above, head to toe. The partner on top controls depth and pace, so it is usually best for the person receiving oral sex on a penis to be underneath, which makes gagging less likely. The person on top should keep their weight on their knees and elbows.

Edge of the bed

One partner lies on the bed with their hips near the edge, and the other kneels on the bed above in the reverse direction. It gives a little more room for adjusting angles.

Standing 69

This variation involves lifting a partner upside down. It is risky, tiring and rarely enjoyable, and we do not recommend it.

69 position tips that make it work

• Mind the height difference. Side by side solves most mismatches. The shorter partner can also curl up slightly.
• Use pillows generously under heads, hips and knees.
• Take turns. It is fine for one person to focus on giving for a while, then switch, while staying in position.
• Use your hands. They keep the rhythm going when you need to rest your mouth or concentrate on receiving.
• Move slowly. Sudden hip movements are the most common problem in 69, especially for the partner underneath.
• Keep it light. If it gets awkward, laugh, adjust or change to another position.

Technique within the 69

The fundamentals are the same as in regular oral sex. For oral sex on a penis, see how to give a BJ. For oral sex on a vulva, see how to give oral to a woman. Because the angle in 69 is reversed, the tongue meets different spots than usual, which some people love. Explore slowly and ask what feels good.

If the 69 is not for you, our oral sex positions guide covers many positions where one partner gives at a time, which most people find easier to enjoy fully.

Safety and hygiene in 69

In 69 both partners give and receive at once, so infections can pass in both directions. Condoms and dental dams work in this position too, see condoms for oral sex. Skip 69 if either partner has a cold sore or genital symptoms. Because the anus is close by, avoid moving between areas without washing or a fresh barrier.

For inspiration from real adult partners who keep things playful and mutual, our curated real couples collection features verified adult creators sharing genuine intimacy.